At last

for felicity

we are drunk for the first time
in the foothills
of cadair idris
fresh out of school where for five years they called us lemons
and dykes.

you say
“i want to put my fingers inside you”
our best friend
and her dad and his partner and her family and their friends who are getting married
sleeping off champagne slammers
in the next field
my bloody tampon
flung into the damp dark
your breath everywhere your hair everywhere your voice everywhere your fingers
cold muddy grass
the nightsong of the stream
we are making this up
or i am at least
how did you know to say that to do that where did you
hear of it how did you
i have no
where my clothes are or
what will happen next or
how or
what or
only that this is it, this you,
at last.

tomorrow in her dad’s car
squeezed in the back seat
i hate oasis but for this brief moment
flying down through the mountains my heart champagne in my mouth
this song is everything
this song and your fingers
secretly finding mine
my body suddenly
claiming space
for the first time.

30 nov 2021
at Desree’s
queer love poetry workshop at Yas n Jess’s